<3 Bosco <3
My tiniest man, I feel like I have failed you. So many times I told you it was ok to let go, so many times I asked you to tell me if it was time to help you on your way. & while I tried to keep your best interest at heart, I feel like I let you go too late. I know hindsight gets us every time.
I hope you know I've loved you til the end. I hope you felt that love while you sat bundled in my arms. I hope that love overpowered any pain or discomfort you were feeling. I truly thought that you'd pass peacefully with me, and I'm so sorry that I didn't see that first seizure for what it was, the brutal onset of even more seizures that left my poor boy helpless in my arms. I rushed you to the e-vet that I wasn't sure I could trust, but I can't help but wishing I had taken you when that first seizure hit. You were a wonderful, loving, strong little man, and I never wanted to see you go that way, with eyes so coherent & no idea why your body was betraying you so wretchedly.
My love, my little man, I'm so sorry that I didn't keep my word. I'm so very sorry that I didn't trust a vet sooner that proved to be so exceptionally compassionate & allowed you to finally be at peace. I wish so very much that I could have given you a finer good-bye. I hope that wherever you are now, that love pulled you through it. From the moment I found you so sick I held you at my side, & I hope to god that was enough my sweetest man. I hope that the good times outweighed that final battle, I hope that good memories were by your side every step of the way. I'm so thankful that you made it to my birthday the day before and got your slice of chocolate cake. I had hoped you'd make it to your 3rd birthday for another one, rivaling Minx for that record of maturity, but I suppose at your age chocolate cake is chocolate cake, and any reason will suffice. I'm glad you got your piece little man, while you were well enough to enjoy it. & even more thankful you still had two buddies by your side to share it with and to snuggle with you afterwards.
My littlest man, I had to look through old photos to remind myself, but I think you had a good life. & having had you since you were 5 weeks old, I've been lucky enough to have shared most of it with you. I remember driving an hour away to pick you up from the only nearby shelter with a single boy available, and being so excited to finally introduce you to a grieving Minx, who took awhile to take to you. & I remember you scaring me senseless when you took matters into your own hand, sneaking through the bars of the lower level & up to the second level, only for me to find you screaming, half hanging out of the cage, with Minx latched onto your head pulling you in. It was love at second sight then... I guess some girls just need the extra push.
& I remember finally introducing you to Bug, an intro that went south fast & ended up with two neuters and an emergency visit for you when your neuter was so royally botched. I remember staying up all night, thinking I was going to lose you. & I remember that wonderful call the next day telling me you had pulled through. You were always the strongest man, and eventually those neuters allowed both you, Bug & Minx to become one very happy family.
& I remember how well you and Bug comforted one another when Minx, age 3 and still holding the known record, finally had to say her good-byes. She was another fierce creature who held strong until the end, & I'm so glad you had the chance to know her. As it turns out, she was also the nicest girl you would know, and you had your work cut out for you with the next two terrors. I remember your apprehension when Gizmo & Nibs came along, two feisty older girls who were fairly short on manners. They were some of the longest intros with lots of scuffles, and unfortunately you, my sweet man, seemed doomed to be the primary target, especially when food was involved. While those two girls would love you senseless under normal circumstances, put some food in the cage & all bets were off. Still, I think you loved them both dearly, & I know you meant the world to Nibs before she finally passed as well. She was another strong character... I suppose you had your share to model after through your time.
& I remember you well in your final days, looking amazingly young and spry until what I suspected was HED kicked in. Even then, you managed to get around well until just your last few days, still somehow getting into a low hammock or pulling yourself around the bathroom floor, still allowing me to hand feed you at the very end, and still with Bug & Gizmo by your side. I remember you coming out for food, and I remember finding you many times, like so many times before, cuddled in with a pal.
I had to look through old photos to bring it all back, but I remember so much more good than bad. & although I still carry regret for not bringing you in sooner, I hope so dearly that you held all this love with you, that it helped to pull you through that final battle. My sweetest man, you were so, so loved by so many of us, and I hope that makes all the difference. I hope wherever you are now, those memories carried you away in peace & that we sent you on your way surrounded with love. I hope you know how much me, Bug & Gizmo miss you, and I hope Minxie & Nibs were waiting there to take you in, with stories to tell & with you oh-so-very eager to share your own journey with them.
My sweetest man, I hope it was a good one, and I hope it was always worth it. I wish I could change the ending for you, but I wouldn't trade the rest of it for the world.